Dear Editors.
Since I am so disenchanted by everything and have become cynical, I feel like now would be a good time to start writing letters to the editor like a crazy old person.
Dear Editor,
Have you ever noticed that sometimes people are all like “I’m going to be in your way when you’re trying to get somewhere important and I know you’re in a rush?” What can you do about it? I think you should write a story about how people are always in your way. I have been a citizen of the US since I was born, and this seems to be a problem in cities all over the country.
-Evan-
Dear Editor,
I just read a story about a new coffee that opened up. Why is that news? I am confused, it could be all the pills I am on that are messing up my brain chemistry, but I am pretty sure that there are more pressing issues, like why the Key Food doesn’t seem to know that I am not amused by the slow cashiers. I am grumpy now. Time to go eat some oatmeal.
-Evan-
Dear Editor,
Remember that multi-part episode of The Brady Bunch when everyone goes to the Grand Canyon? Yeah that was racist and sexist. I think you should write about that. Also what time is it? Whenever I look outside I can’t tell, should I open my blinds when looking out the window? Also why is it now dark at 4:45pm? Did something happen? I can’t eat cheese anymore.
-Evan-
